A little over 24 hours ago, I learned I won a place in the Kinetic:Evolution team...three LUCKY, LUCKY people who have been given the chance to take a big jump forward in their fitness goals.  When I first saw the gym advertise this, I was hopeful, but you had to write an essay and the more I wrote and tweaked and read over what I had written, the more convinced I became that I wasn't going to win.  I went to hit the button to delete my entry and instead, hit the wrong button and sent it.  OH WELL- not going to win.  Then, a couple weeks later, I get this email back saying I won. 

Reading it, I was completely overwhelmed, then shocked, then thankful, then thrilled, then thankful again...throw in stunned, disbelieving and overjoyed. I couldn't stop smiling!  My faith in myself is nearly non-existent...but God is very sweet to encourage me despite what I think or believe.   

Now, just a day later, the doubt creeps in.  "You can't do this.  What if (enter any number of possibilities)?  What are you thinking? You can't possibly..."  Oh those voices!!  They have been my companions all my life, but I hate them.  The only thing I can do is just keep moving ahead. 10:45 this morning is personal training.  This morning I committed to go to a "Couch to 5K" training tomorrow.  GULP!!  Just keep moving, no matter what - despite what my mind is screaming. 

Had an interesting talk with Beth the other day and it has lingered around in my mind.  We were talking about my other sister Kathie and how our parents would not allow her to follow her dream to go to cosmetology school.  It was too "blue collar"...or my dream to become a pastry chef.  That was too narrow a field of study.  Beth said they were stupid.  In my opinion, it was not stupidity at all...they were dream killers...a much more insidiously harmful way to be.  I have thought about that over and over these past few days as the voices of "you can't" swarm my brain.  All the doubts and self questioning that I do probably stems, in part, from always being discouraged to do what I wanted.  At some point I stopped letting them say it and I just discouraged myself.

This morning I am down to 276.8.  I don't know why I weigh myself.  I cant believe this is going so S-L-O-W!!  I guess I expect it to be dropping 3 or 4 pounds a day?  Anyway, I am down 22 pounds since July 17...when I joined the gym.  The numbers don't tell the whole story though...I am WAY WAY WAY stronger and more energetic than I was when I started!  That is a HUGE change!

So with that revelation in my pocket this week, there sure are a lot of good things happening. Don't give in...Don't give up.  Show up and participate even when my head says "you cant".